The following insights come from an “Addiction & The Church” presentation by Adrienne Miller, a certified reciprocal alcohol and drug counselor with 18+ years of experience at Heartland Women’s Recovery Program.
When we think about recovery, we often picture a neat, linear progression—a straight path from struggle to victory. But the reality of discipleship and addiction looks nothing like our idealized expectations. Instead of a smooth upward trajectory, recovery resembles something more like Mount Doom from Lord of the Rings: treacherous, unpredictable, and requiring immense courage to navigate.
The truth is, addiction recovery is a battle—not just for those struggling with substance use, but for everyone walking alongside them in their journey. As church leaders and discipleship partners, we must prepare ourselves for this reality while holding onto the hope that God is the ultimate victor in this fight.
Your Process, Their Process
One of the most important truths to grasp about discipleship and addiction is this: it’s as much about your process as it is about your disciple’s process. Just like in parenting or marriage, much of effective discipleship comes down to how we respond to challenging situations.
I learned this firsthand early in my marriage to Scott, who had struggled with addiction for about 10 years before coming to Heartland. One day, he casually mentioned having an urge to use drugs and went for a walk—something unusual for him at the time. My mind immediately spiraled into anxiety, and I texted someone expressing my worry about Scott.
When he returned and discovered I had reached out to others, Scott said something that stopped me in my tracks: “If I can’t trust you to tell you when I’m struggling, I’m going to need to figure out who else I can trust.”
That evening, God convicted me with this truth: I was the one who had relapsed. I had returned to my old patterns of extreme anxiety and fear, while Scott had done exactly what he was supposed to do—communicate honestly about his struggles.
This experience taught me that even those of us without substance use backgrounds have plenty of issues that mirror the addiction mindset. Finding these parallels in your own life will help you relate more effectively to people struggling with addiction.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Scripture reminds us in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 that redemption is possible for everyone: “And some of you used to be like this, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” This hope must anchor our work, even as we maintain realistic expectations.
The Reality of Recovery:
- Addiction is complex, typically requiring 5-7 attempts before achieving long-term sobriety
- Many people entering recovery programs are on their 12th or 14th attempt
- Setbacks are part of the process, not indicators of failure
Essential Elements for Sustainable Support:
1. Celebrate Progress. Find meaningful ways to acknowledge milestones. Just as AA gives tokens for sobriety milestones, we should celebrate when someone follows through on job hunting, maintains housing, or reaches any recovery goal. Celebration might be as simple as a pat on the back or taking someone out for dinner—discover what feels meaningful to your disciple.
2. Prepare for Setbacks. Unless your disciple truly owns their recovery decisions, lasting change won’t occur. Sometimes you must step back and allow people to face the natural consequences of their choices. This develops the crucial connection between decisions and outcomes.
3. Encourage Independence. Your goal isn’t to become the permanent answer person for your disciple. While it might feel rewarding initially, lasting help comes from equipping people with tools and resources to make healthy decisions independently. Remember: your objective is to raise up disciples who can eventually disciple others.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
Clear boundaries protect both you and your disciple while creating a framework for sustainable support.
Key Boundary Considerations:
- Availability: Will you give out your cell phone number? Establish clear communication preferences upfront
- Location: Decide where you’ll meet—homes, public spaces, or church facilities
- Scope: Recognize your limits. If someone displays mental health symptoms beyond your training, connect them with professional counselors
- Accountability: If you’re working with someone of the opposite sex, establish appropriate safeguards
Financial Boundaries. It’s generally inadvisable to give cash directly to someone struggling with addiction. Instead, get creative with financial assistance:
- Offer to watch children during job interviews or work
- Take your disciple grocery shopping and teach meal planning
- Make direct payments to bills or utilities
- Utilize your church’s benevolence fund with pre-established guidelines
The Power of Active Listening
If I could emphasize one skill above all others for effective discipleship with people in recovery, it would be active listening. This skill can make or break your ability to build trust and create lasting impact.
Understanding Shame’s Role. Shame inevitably accompanies addiction. I’ve never met someone who struggled with substance use who felt proud of their behavior while using. When your disciple shares their story, especially early in your relationship, be extremely mindful of your facial reactions and body language.
People are constantly evaluating whether they can trust you with their truth. If they share something relatively minor and you flinch, show shock, or display any form of rejection, they’ll likely conclude you’re not the right person to walk with them through recovery.
Creating Safe Communication. Sometimes people literally struggle to vocalize their experiences. I’ve had residents sit in my office with their heads down, eyes closed, shaking their heads while trying to find words for their shame. In these moments:
- Be patient and give them time
- Consider saying, “If you’re not ready to talk about this, we don’t have to do this right now”
- Maintain appropriate eye contact while being sensitive to their comfort level
- Consider alternative communication methods like journaling or artistic expression
As Mr. Rogers wisely said: “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.”
Practical Listening Techniques:
- Put phones down and eliminate distractions
- Use nonverbal encouragement appropriately
- Practice deferred judgment—wait your turn to speak
- Ask clarifying questions about your role: “Are you looking for advice, another perspective, or just a sounding board?”
- Take their experiences at face value, especially during initial sharing
- Respond with respect and empathy
- Ask open-ended questions like “Tell me about your day” instead of “How was your day?”
Building Spiritual Foundation
While many spiritual disciplines are important, focus particularly on prayer and Bible reading as foundational elements.
Prayer Partnership:
- Ask your disciple to pray for you—this creates mutual vulnerability and shows their value
- Lead prayers using simple, honest language rather than “Christianese”
- Model that approaching God doesn’t require fancy words or perfect circumstances
Bible Study Focus:
- Emphasize stories of people who made mistakes and found redemption
- Study dramatic conversion stories like Rahab’s transformation from prostitute to honored ancestor of Jesus
- Share Bible reading plans or do studies together to maintain connection
- Help them see that biblical characters faced real struggles they can relate to
Creating Resource Centers
Equip your church with readily accessible resources so disciples can find information independently:
- Lists of local AA/NA meetings
- Contact information for counselors and doctors
- Information about insurance applications and social services
- Recovery-focused books and pamphlets
- Educational materials about addiction and recovery
The Battle Worth Fighting
Discipleship in the context of addiction is warfare, but we know who wins in the end. This work will challenge you, change you, and likely follow you home some days. But when we allow people to share their shameful experiences in an atmosphere of safety and acceptance, shame loses its power. That’s when we can begin tugging on the rope that draws them closer to Jesus.
Remember that recovery rarely looks like our expectations, but redemption is always possible. Your role isn’t to have all the answers—it’s to walk faithfully alongside someone as they discover their own path to freedom in Christ.
As you consider implementing addiction-focused ministries in your church, start with these foundational elements. The battle is real, but so is the victory available through Jesus Christ. With proper boundaries, realistic expectations, and genuine love, you can be part of someone’s transformation story.
For more information about training opportunities and resources for churches interested in addiction ministry, contact Heartland Recovery. We’re committed to equipping local churches with the tools and knowledge needed to effectively support people struggling with addiction.
Find the link to other “Addiction & The Church” 2024 sessions here on our website or on our YouTube page.